TE/CaT Scratch
Just a heads-up, I'll try to be as in-depth as possible, but this probably won't be nearly as long as your outline post. The issue with trying to analyze something is that if it's good, it's hard to analyze it beyond "it was good because it didn't do the bad things and instead it did the good things". Assuming this series is good, you can see the potential issues. Anyways, getting into it: Backstory I'm interested in seeing exactly how Sif did all this. Unless he has Alien X or something else stupidly OP, I don't see destroying the galaxy going well for him, considering that the aliens he turns into usually exist in the galaxy and might have a thing or two to say about him abusing their abilities. How is Earth standing with only a thousand people or so? If the rest of the Galaxy is down, how the hell is a planet of a thousand people, 75% of which WORSHIP THE PERSON WHO DESTROYED THE GALAXY, still standing? Is it just because Barikan likes Earth or something? I'll comment on Black Comet in the character section. What I'm getting from this is that the Alphamatrix is powered by the aliens that provide the DNA samples, and can potentially fuse and evolve said DNA samples. My question is, if all the labs and everything related to the project were destroyed, what the hell happened to the aliens? Are they still there? If not, how is the Alphamatrix still working? So let me get this straight: the reason Sif becomes a killing machine in the first place is because of a parasite? Doesn't that mean all these people have to do is go back in time and destroy the parasite beforehand? I'm assuming that they don't know this, but if they ever find out, one of the show's main conflicts is either right out the window or can only remain via major ass-pulling. "Edward had developed the abilities of Time Manipulation" Congratulations Edward, you just won the series. I'm assuming you're putting limiters on this, but if not, Edward just won everything forever. This is a really good premise. Instead of pulling a potentially disastrous "go back in time and kill Hitler" scenario, it's more like a "go back in time and make sure Hitler gets into art school" scenario. It seems really interesting. The rest of the backstory focusing on the characters is fine. It's pretty much typical character stuff, so I don't have much to say about it to be honest. ---- Is it just me or do The Order of the Watchers feel a lot like the Chozo from Metroid? I'll talk about Kammera energy when I get to it it Misc. "Roughly the size of Jupiter, Metopia is not home to a specific race, more rather a communal planet with the allies of the Galactic Union." Okay I'm assuming this planet has artificial gravity adjustments because a planet that size would have gravity strong enough to crush a lot of species, especially fleshy organic ones like humans. This seems like some interesting space backstory. I don't have much else to say on it, but I'm interested in seeing where it goes. Plot Chapter One Episode Guide It's a fine song I guess, but I will never understand using what are clearly background tracks as theme songs. I know you said it ties into the series, which is fine, but why not use it as the main background track then? Just pull a JoJo and use it as the main leitmotif and use something actually made as a theme song for the theme song. Outline *'Out of the Frying Pan' - So basically it's the same method of obtaining the Omnitrix as every ___ 10 series ever. Not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely overdone at this point. The rest of the episode seems fine. *'Episode 2' - Good episode, but why does comforting a little girl trigger a flashback into Sif finding out his bully his gay? It seems like an awkward transition, is all I'm saying. *'Bloodcrow' - "'Bloodcrow' is about a crow that murders its own kind after the death of its wife." What the fuck *Okay why would Sif lie to Murphy about the ambush? This just seems like setup for a retarded "Liar Revealed" scene. That trope makes me want to shoot myself every time I see it. It's just so awkward and cringey and usually unnecessary to everything. Good mystery episode otherwise, but that one bit kinda bugs me. *'Imprisonment' - Neat idea for an episode. The Order of Eseraga seems like a bunch of assholes. *'Episode 5' - Neat episode. Not really as interesting as the others from what I can see, but it should be good for some exposition. *'Episode 6' - Not much to say here. Good that you're developing the characters. *'Episode 7' - Pretty good episode, though Josh telling Sif not to trust the mysterious order of people that once kidnapped him and put him in jail as a "test" seems like a real "No shit" moment. *'Darkness' - Pretty good episode. The concept of Nhures is pretty interesting, but I recall you saying Nhures is actually just Sif's hallucination. How is he physically interacting with the real world? *'Episode 9' - Seems like a good episode. I don't have anything to say about it really. *'Unity Day' - Sounding like a broken record, but good ep. - Answered in chat. *'Out of Time' - Answered in chat. *'Episode 12' - Best episode summary 9/11. *'Episode 13' - All I can really say to this episode is "Mkay". That doesn't mean it's bad, it just means I don't have anything to say about it. I'd have more to say if there was more detail, but there isn't anything for me to really talk about either way. *'Controlled' - Mkay. *'Origin' - Answered in chat. *'Into the Fire' - Alright, Josh's plan to release criminals by opening a portal into their dimension that somehow malfunctions into become a time portal does seem weird. How about his plan from the beginning is to make a time portal that would allow him to go back in time and free the slaves somehow. Since this could potentially cause a disastrous ripple effect, the main team needs to stop him. Easy. Chapter Two The first song I can see working more as a theme song than the one you chose for the first season, but the second one...eh. There's a reason heavy metal isn't usually used for theme songs. ---- #Josh goes through his bizarre adventure in time as Sif and Anna deal with the loss of Murphy. At the end of the episode, we get foreshadowing on a mysterious villain known as Heretic. #Heretic reveals himself to Sif and starts trying to kill him. At the end of the episode, Heretic is revealed to be Murphy, who says some cryptic crap like "I know what you become" or whatever after being defeated and screwing off. #'The Innocent': Josh ends up back in present day and ends up recruiting some of the slaves for a covert terrorist attack on the Galactic Union. Sif goes to stop Josh and the radicalized group, and fighting and stuff happens. It ends up in a one-on-one fight wtih Josh and Sif, where eventually, a slave gets caught in the crossfire. Josh almost kills the slave by accident, but Sif saves them by taking the hit as an alien that can tank it, albeit with some injury. This makes Josh hesitate long enough for Sif to up and sucker-punch him. He gets away, but this and his previous adventures in time cause Josh to start reconsidering himself a bit. #Heretic returns for more wacky Sif-murdery fun times, and I got nothing other than that. Maybe take the opportunity to focus on developing Edward and Katie a bit more here. #The Abel intro. The Galactic Union doesn't like the idea of Sif getting all up in their business so they send Abel to try and negotiate an allyship with him, which gets interrupted by Josh the mosh, who wants to use the opportunity to take out a high-ranking member of the GU. Josh eventually gets defeated and splits the coop, and the episode ends with Abel talking about the corruption of the GU with Sif. Also a good opportunity for some Josh development if Abel is alone with him for a few minutes and talks about the corruption and the slaves. #Jamie gets introduced as an amnesiac who seeks out Sif for help. Sif calls in Krystof for help via his mad haxx0r skillz. Not much here other than character development. #The episode starts off with Black Comet talking to Abel about Sif and the corruption of the Galactic Union. Black Comet warns that there's a war coming, then leaves. We cut to Josh, who is revealed to have been convincing the slaves to rebel, pointing out that even if they lose, displaying that the slaves exist in the first place would pretty much destroy the Galactic Union's reputation. Josh leads several stealth teams to disable key points such as communication centers and equipment storehouses. The rebellion begins, and while it looks like the slaves have the upper hand at first, one of the officers on the planet manages to get through to the Galactic Union and call in backup, which makes the battle go downhill extremely quickly. Realizing he's out of options, the episode ends with Josh going to the one person he knows that could turn the battle around: Sif. #This episode begins where the last one left off, with Josh asking Sif for help. Sif is naturally wary of this, but eventually decides to help because of the promise he made in Season 1. They get back to the slave planet, where shit is going down harder than the Hindenburg. Sif joins the battle and does pretty damn well, but ends up being outnumbered and beaten down. Reverted to human and lying face-down in the dirt, Sif struggles to get back up. He sees the slaves being massacred around him, but isn't so much as able to activate the Alphamatrix. A GU soldier spots him and tries to shoot him, but Josh ends up taking the shot, basically confirming his redemption arc (he gets shot in a non-vital area because plot armor but still). The soldier kicks Josh aside and walks up to Sif and takes aim. Fortunately, Josh bought enough time for Sif to activate the Alphamatrix, and seeing the devastation around him, Sif flies into a Barikan-esque rage where he pretty much utterly wrecks shit. The GU is forced to retreat, the slaves are freed (for now), and Josh and Sif end up establishing a mutual respect for each other. The episode ends with the GU putting out a warrant on Sif, but it gets pointed out that after he took out an entire fleet, it's going to be difficult finding anyone willing to face him voluntarily. We see Black Comet slinking away from the area as the screen fades to black, indicating that he was eavesdropping on the conversation. #'Now You See Me': Sif finally admits he has the Alphamatrix to Anna. They have an argument because of Sif lying all this time and the nature of the device in general. This lowers Sif's mental state to the point where Nhures comes back and reveals the twist of him being a hallucination that Sif can't get rid of without getting rid of the Alphamatrix. With pressure from both Anna's disapproval and wanting to be rid of Nhures, Sif decides to remove the Alphamatrix. This initially seems to improve his life, but as shit keeps going down without him there to stop it, he eventually comes to the conclusion that he needs to wear the Alphamatrix, even with the personal sacrifices it takes to do so. He puts it back on, and though he's able to save the day, the episode ends on a bittersweet note of reflection on his self-inflicted trials. #The episode starts out with a fairly normal mission for Sif, who is seen knocking out some low-rank thugs. As he leaves the scene, however, he gets stopped by Black Comet, who says they need to talk. They go to the church Black Comet was introduced in in Season 1, and Black Comet talks to Sif about the fleet-destroying rage he went into a couple episodes ago, revealing everything to him about Barikan and why Edward and Katie are actually looking after him. Sif goes to confront the two, getting angry and snapping at them for not telling him about these things. Sif and Katie get into an argument about it, and eventually Sif storms off. Sif eventually goes to take down a gang, but keeps second-guessing himself because of the Barikan thing, making him an easy target. He ends up getting bailed out of the situation by Edward and a begrudging Katie, and while he's able to work things out with Edward, Katie ends the episode still being wary of him. #Heretic returns, attempting to kill Sif throughout the episode. As we go through the episode, more and more of Heretic's motivations are revealed and deconstructed, the episode ending with Heretic getting away, but ultimately unsure of himself. #The second Jamie episode. The GU identifies her as an ally to Sif, and ends up kidnapping her as leverage, demanding Sif turns himself in. Not sure what to do, Sif turns to Josh for help, who has much more experience fighting the GU. Abel helps the two as much as he can without revealing his involvement with them to the GU. Jamie ends up figuring out how to use her powers, and uses them to sort of half-break out, with Josh and Sif getting her out of the prison entirely. This is where Jamie meets Josh for the first time, so maybe throw some slight flirting in there to foreshadow their relationship. #The last Heretic episode. Sif's crime-fighting is still being somewhat hampered by the Barikan revelation, but this seems to be made up for by Heretic, who is systematically taking out all the crooked politicians and criminals he had to put up with as Murphy. This presents something of a conflicting M.O. as Heretic kills his targets while Sif has established a no-kill policy after the Barikan revelation. The two ends up facing each other one final time, but the fight ends up being more depressing than it is exciting, as the two become more and more reluctant to trade blows. By the end of it, the Alphamatrix has timed out and Sif and Murphy are both exhausted, weakly attempting to throw punches at each other. In the end, Murphy ends up collapsing first, mentally resigning himself to fate. Sif ends up putting Murphy in rehab, and the episode ends with a news report noting that the nightly killings of politicians and criminals has stopped. #Sort of an average episode, serving as a calm before the storm, so to speak. The GU hires a few specialized bounty hunters to go after Sif, promising a pretty penny as compensation. The episode is really just about Sif defeating them, but we could give them some sort of abstract powers to make the fights more about skill than strength. #Tensions between Katie and Sif reach a head, leading to Katie storming off on her own (I have a specific idea for some of the dialogue here, see reference). Edward and Sif split up to look for her, with Edward eventually having the idea to check up on Anna. By the time he gets there, it's already too late, and he discovers Katie standing over Anna's dead body (more dialogue). He ends up having to knock out Katie and calls Sif to tell him what happened, and the episode ends with Sif seeing Anna's body in a "silent" scene (meaning no dialogue, just descriptions. It's artsy, trust me.). #We see Sif full of rage after Katie kills Anna, which isn't helped by the GU dropping a Cerberus Bomb and killing all the slaves. He goes on a rampage, causing a lot of damage and ultimately regretting it, which is why Black Comet gives him an offer to work for him and he accepts, knowing he cannot be trusted. #Black Comet and Sif go on a mission to recover some classified information from the GU. Sif questions why Black Comet is doing all this, and Black Comet explains his backstory and motivations. #The information they recover ends up relating to the Alpha Project. They spend the episode using the information to track down whatever information they can get from the various businesses that funded the project, eventually finding one person, a retired former CEO, who knows the location of the Alpha Center. He initially refuses to give them the information, stating that the project is better off buried and forgotten, but Black Comet eventually talks him into giving them the information, using the info to construct a map to the Alpha Center. # With the map from the last episode, Black Comet and Sif find the Alpha Center. After looking for leads in the center for a while, Ze Tareth shows up again. He and Black Comet talk a bit, and Ze Tareth tells him that Barikan is inevitable and the only thing they can really do is minimize the damage. He eventually tells Black Comet and Sif where the Omega Center is, warning them that they won't like what's waiting for them there. The end of the episode shows the inside of the Omega Center, where we see around a hundred alien stasis pods glowing ominously. # Black Comet finds the Omegamatrix and becomes full Barikan, Katie (who has disappeared for 4-5 episodes after killing Anna) brings him in and takes him to Sierra where they help him alter the timeline. ---- Chapter Three Nice callback here to when Black Comet was talking about the Book of Genesis in Chapter 1. Stop using metal as theme songs ffs. These would all make good "mascot tracks", so to speak, but that doesn't necessarily make them good theme songs. The two best suited as themes would be Dead Ended and The Gift, but those are still stretching it a bit. Characters Sif Hunderson Alright, here's the main character. He's a down on his luck loser who suddenly gets superpowers and a purpose in life. AKA every Loser Protagonist ever. The only "interesting" thing you describe about his character is his "dark side", but let's face it, that's a pretty big cliche at this point as well. Other character quirks you mention, like the hallucinations, seem more like side effects of the plot than anything interesting about the character. It'll be easier to judge his character once I see him in action, but from what I've heard of him so far, he's just Genericy McGenericPants. Murphy Hollinder From what we've talked about so far, this guy seems like a pretty interesting character that goes through a lot of twists and turns. I honestly feel like he's a better character than Sif. Anna Donovan Well, she has more to her than most female love interests, that's for sure. Just make sure to be careful when writing about her mental disorder in particular. Edward Munroe This guy's backstory combined with his role in the main plot seems like it should be pretty interesting to watch. Katie Munroe Doesn't seem quite as interesting as Eddy boy, but still a neat character from what I can tell. Josh Krazinski Should be a good character to write. Black Comet Motherfucker's got a backstory longer than a never ending gobstopper, but it makes for an interesting character. I'm interested in seeing his interactions with Sif. Nhures I approve of Nhures becoming a Ryuk-like character eventually. I don't have much else to say about him. Geza So basically sort of a mentor figure/bestfriend combo here? The Order of Eseraga Jesus Christ we're having a lot of organizations in this series. Anyways, these guys kinda sound like the Jedi but with Kammera instead of the Force. Just to clarify, are these guys actually involved with the slaves or not? Misc The Alphamatrix Looks like a pretty decent roster. I remember you talking about using Ninjace, so about how many aliens are on this thing anyways? Kammera/Mana Kammera energy sounds interesting and is named absolutely nothing like Kunenga Energy. *coughs* Your incredible ability to rip me off without even reading my stuff aside, I sort of have an issue with how you describe mana. You describe it as an "external" thing, but Mana is literally Life Energy, and is produced by life forms. Unless you're implying babies get injected with Mana as soon as they're born, having Mana be the external force compared to Kammera's internal force doesn't make sense. Why not make Kammera the external force? It's basically just magic steroids. Time Particles Damn, and I thought Panglar's Theorem was overcomplicated. I guess I can buy Time Particles as a thing, though it seems like a weirdly specific concept. Eserjian Nice bit of world building. Should come in handy for naming ancient artifacts and stuff. Also don't think I don't see you making your own username mean General VikingSif you ain't slick. Gods Interesting, but I can't forsee them impacting the plot all that much from what we have so far. Galactic Union Obligatory corrupt authority is corrupt. They'll make for good plot points, I guess. Paladdin City Neat. Universe If this crossover actually happens I will eat my shorts. Other Misc *Always good to have character themes. *Space prison not in actual show? Worst show 0/10 negative 9/11 literally Shitler *OK fam *Alrighty then. What I Need You For *Done. *On it. *I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! *Np fam Shit *Dank titles all the way down bruv. References Sif Katie Argument "Then why do you hate me so much?!" Sif demanded angrily. "Because you destroyed everything I loved!" Katie screamed. "You and that fucking device! You can bullshit all day about how you "like being a hero", but I know what you really are! You're nothing but a selfish, power-crazed lunatic that couldn't care less about who dies as long as you get your jollies in! But you know what?! TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME!" Before Sif could reply, Katie stormed out of the building with an unnerving expression on her face. He glanced over at Edward, who looked extremely worried. "Oh hell, that's not good." Edward said in a slightly panicked tone. "Why? What's she going to do?" Sif asked. "I have no idea, but knowing how she thinks when she gets like this, I can guarantee it won't be good." Edward Finds Katie "Katie! We were looking everywhere for-" Edward froze as soon as he stepped through the door. Katie stood in the middle of the room, directly above Anna, who was lying on the floor. Anna's eyes were dull and lifeless, and her skin's color had become a pale white. "...you..." Edward and Katie stared at each other in silence for a few moments. Katie wore an unnervingly blank expression, staring down her brother without betraying any kind of emotion. "You..." Edward repeated slowly. "What did you do?" "Payback." Katie replied in an almost monotone voice. "I got payback." "What are you-" "If your bleeding heart needs any consolation, it was quick and painless. All I had to do was telekinetically stop her heart. Any autopsies performed will simply indicate that she died of a tragic but ultimately natural heart attack." Edward stared at Katie for a few moments, struggling to collect his thoughts. "You..." Edward began, his voice starting to shake. "You're no better than he was now." "Who gives a shit?" Emotion slowly began creeping back into Katie's voice, indicating a somewhat flippant attitude towards the situation. "If he can dish it out, then he sure as hell better be able to take it!" "But he hasn't dished it out!" Edward snapped. "Did you forget the entire reason we were sent back here?!" "Did you not see how he snapped at us when he was shown the truth?!" Katie replied. "He's still going down the exact same path as before!" "You don't know that! And even if you're right, what makes you think this" Edward gestured to Anna's corpse. "is going to improve anything?!" "Always the optimist, aren't you?" Katie's brow furrowed in annoyance. "You're a good person, Edward, but that's your biggest weakness. Barikan could be standing directly in front of you with a shotgun and telling you to say "ah" and you'd still be thinking "But he can change!". The world doesn't work like that, Edward. People don't work like that. I thought he could change at some point too, but I know better now. And if his fate is always going to be causing people despair..." Katie began walking towards Edward, heading for the exit he was standing in. "Then he can deal with some himself." Katie attempted to pass by Edward, but he moved to block her from leaving. "What do you think you're doing?" Edward glared at his sister with a mix of anger and sadness. Tears began welling up in his eyes as he spoke. "You know I can't let you get away with killing someone." "And what are you going to do about it?" Katie laughed. "You're weak, Edward. You always have been, and you always will-" Katie suddenly slumped to the floor. Four expertly-delivered jabs had been delivered to the side of her head, knocking her out cold. Edward slumped over panting, exhausted by the strain of slowing down time, even momentarily. "...God help me." He spoke in a shaky voice, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes. "God help all of us now." Other Ideas Hallucinations/Flashbacks The majority of these can be inserted into any episode. *Sif is seen lost in the woods at about age 12. He's been lost for a few hours and begins to panic, yelling that he doesn't want to be alone. *Sif is seen in high school, being pushed around by a jock. He shoves Sif into a wall, giving him a bloody nose. This sets him off and he decks the jock square in the jaw, knocking him out cold.